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June 16th, 2008
As one of me changes, all of me changes. I am flow. My current is coughing up a history of the old; thick weighted moments; the sludge of a millions choices - to make one day – usually this day.
The cough is not dry. The road is not flat. The sky screams flight, but to nowhere I need to be.
My journey is my destination; empirically; that is the nature of rendering habit – like fat; sludge; keep the heat on and use it or… congeal; back to where you started. Tricky bastards; force feeding the render like rape; not consenting – but my choice was to fight a hunger; only mine.
Let’s do it then.
June 3rd, 2008
A craving; aversion to imbalance.
May 28th, 2008
really. been working on this: montcarte.umbrela.com
June 26th, 2007
I just find these tricky to get to…
2008
2007
2006
2005
June 6th, 2007
…of a buddy’s car. The Round Trip.
June 6th, 2007
…new feelings? Facebook has, at the least, moitivated me to revisit the digital shadow.
New name; new look.
So let there be light! …or dark? :/
… somehting anyway.
February 26th, 2007
I intend to use accents when I write in french - un jour!
I am 32 today. C’est tout!
I intend to write more… mais partout… et avec intent!
February 20th, 2007
Today is the day I commence my Wordpress migration. The goal is to consolidate all blogs from that last five years under this single UMBRELA. This will also be the first time I host my own blog. Good times…
December 24th, 2006
So time was spent in New Brunswick. I used that time to learn some new and exciting stuff including working with Drupal, Drupal’s eCommerce module, and CiviCRM.
Drupal at http://www.drupal.org and
CiviCRM at http://www.civicrm.org
PHP and mySQL… so far so good, but I got a fair amount of work and learning to do to get these systems to be something I am more comfortable with.
Vancouver was good. It was nice seeing the old crew. Can’t say a whole lot has changed over there… but what has changed has certainly changed for the better. I can’t believe how much I like eating in that city. The idea of trying to eat fruits of the sea any father away than my eyes can see (see that salty orchard) can seem like a futile endeavor.
Did a Wild Rose Cleanse in New Brunswick – nothing like a sore kidney to make life a little more real.
I miss meditating… good thing for new year’s.
Gonna be 32 soon. Good thing I don’t need assets to feel whole, cause then I wouldn’t.
Concepts of Net-Zero and Zero-Footprint are now more than just ideas but still a hair short of realities… for now.
The idea behind zeroing consumption centers on solid commitments to understanding the value of fractional gains, overall direction, and retrofitting systems.
The 5 pushup principal: It’s better to do a mere 5 pushups than to do none at all. Furthermore, the value of the 5 pushups supersedes itself by an undetermined factor. That factoring is related to that little bit of a glow, that self perception, which changes in whatever minute way, and that is perpetual; self-fulfilling; self-propagating.
That said, a 5% reduction is reduction in consumption… supersedes itself…
December 10th, 2006
Definition of recalcitrant - Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary
Main Entry: re·cal·ci·trant
Pronunciation: -tr&nt
Function: adjective
Etymology: Late Latin recalcitrant-, recalcitrans, present participle of recalcitrare to be stubbornly disobedient, from Latin, to kick back, from re- + calcitrare to kick, from calc-, calx heel
1 : obstinately defiant of authority or restraint
2 a : difficult to manage or operate b : not responsive to treatment c : RESISTANT
synonym see UNRULY
- recalcitrant noun
November 22nd, 2006
New Brunswick, New Brunswick!
Moving into week 5 of 8… good times.
October 13th, 2006
So…
1) No longer working for CCQ, Verint, Desjardins, or finally, CIA. No. I don’t feel like explaining that gibberish, but know it was a “good time” and it let me see things from a different perspective.
2) Got just enough money to make it until the new year (party not included) and then, it’s a real real problem. I better get moving.
3) On getting moving… on a plane the 20th to BC with Kim (6 months last weekend ;) to soak in some sights and sounds, but really to grab my shit and say hello and thanks, again. Did say sushi?
4) Then to NB for 7 weeks. http://www.fallsbrookcentre.ca. More on this later.
All that to say…
I want to get working in the NGO and non-profit community using what was explained to me as “good business process”. More on this later.
Go team!
Encroaching cold is biting at my ear, nose, and toes.
August 28th, 2006
Paul Tracy @ Montreal Champ Car Grand Prix
August 20th, 2006
“His legal defense for this program always comes back to the idea that he is the president and he is the commander-in-chief. And this just raises basic questions about the rule of law because he is basically saying that as commander-in-chief he will decide which laws he is going to follow and which laws he is not going to follow.” - Timothy Linch
Bush fights ruling on wire tapping | Video | Reuters.com
August 19th, 2006
Middle Israel: After Olmert | Jerusalem Post: “The Netanyahu-Lieberman brand of secular conservatism, which blends a concern for Israel’s demographic balance with a deep suspicion of its neighbors, can now be expected to win over more hearts. Millions of Israelis have just been through an experience that can lead them nowhere but rightward. Olmert can certainly forget about obtaining even a wry smile from the thousands of immigrants who’ve spent the past weeks fathoming smoke pillars and sustaining boom after boom in working-class neighborhoods across the North. Those are now all the New Right’s to keep.”
August 13th, 2006
CASCADA VERDE - UVITA / COSTA RICA / FOR SALE
I would run this as a yoga retreat, Vipassana meditation center, restaurant, research facility, garden, place for interns and interested parties… and it would a pleasure to make this a non-profit (i.e. a break-even business with a mandate to provide aid and assistance to all peoples, in any way it can) with the goal of making the stay free (under the principles followed at a Vispassana Center - donations and volunteers: integrity and respect)… if someone would help me (us) buy it?
dead serious.
August 13th, 2006
Vietnam War Statistics: “61% of the men killed were 21 or younger. ”
August 12th, 2006
Working Class Hero
by John Lennon
As soon as you’re born they make you feel small
By giving you no time instead of it all
Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all
A working class hero is something to be
They hurt you at home and they hit you at school
They hate you if you’re clever and they despise a fool
Till you’re so fucking crazy you can’t follow their rules
A working class hero is something to be
When they’ve tortured and scared you for twenty-odd years
Then they expect you to pick a career
When you can’t really function you’re so full of fear
A working class hero is something to be
Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV
And you think you’re so clever and classless and free
But you’re still fucking peasants as far as I can see
A working class hero is something to be
There’s room at the top they’re telling you still
But first you must learn how to smile as you kill
If you want to be like the folks on the hill
A working class hero is something to be
If you want to be a hero well just follow me
August 11th, 2006
DO NOT TAKE THIS AT FACE VALUE!!
But watch it none the less…
Loose Change - 2nd Edition
August 11th, 2006
…security?
…safety?
…sovereignty?
…democracy?
…nationalism?
…a nation?
…a peoples?
…government?
…retirement?
…healthcare?
…energy?
…community?
…locality?
…fairness?
…progress?
…truth?
August 10th, 2006
If I could drop a bomb on the head of President G. Bush (and the likes), it would be this one. I know it blew me away, so - bang bang baby - time to grow up. No… that’s not right… whenever he’s ready ;)
July 31st, 2006
Main Entry: he·ge·mo·ny
Pronunciation: hi-’je-m&-nE, -’ge-; ‘he-j&-”mO-nE
Function: noun
Etymology: Greek hEgemonia, from hEgemOn leader, from hEgeisthai to lead — more at SEEK
1 : preponderant influence or authority over others : DOMINATION
2 : the social, cultural, ideological, or economic influence exerted by a dominant group
- heg·e·mon·ic /”he-j&-’mä-nik, “he-g&-/ adjective
July 31st, 2006
Going to New Bruswick to R&D renewable energy.
RE for OIL!
That’s right… gonna fight “them”, best I can… but using my head instead of my hands. Alternatives to power - power of a human virus - to be replaced by empowerment of an organic humanity.
or·gan·ic
4 a : forming an integral element of a whole : FUNDAMENTAL b : having systematic coordination of parts : ORGANIZED c : having the characteristics of an organism : developing in the manner of a living plant or animal
July 29th, 2006
On reading the Art of War (translated by Samuel B. Griffith) from page 109 under the section titled “Maneuver”:
31. To a surrounded enemy you must leave a way of escape.
Tu Nu: Show him there is a road to safety and so create in his mind the idea that there is an alternative to death. Then strike.
Ho Yen-Hsi: When Ts’ao Ts’ao surrounded Hu Kuan he issued an order: “When the city is taken, the defenders will be buried.” For month after month it did not fall. Ts’ao Jen said: “When a city is surrounded it is essential to show the besieged that there is a way to survival. Now, sir, as you have told them they must fight to the death everyone will fight to save his own skin. The city is strong and has a plentiful supply of food. If we attack them many officers and men will be wounded. If we persevere it will take many days. To encamp under the walls of a strong city and attack rebels determined to fight to the death is not a good plan!”
32. Do not press an enemy at bay.
Tu Yu: Price Fu Ch’ai said: “Wild beasts, when at bay, fight desperately. How much more is this true of men! If they know there is no alternative they will fight to the death.”
During the reign of emperor Hsyan of the Han, Chao Ch’ung-Kuo was suppressing a revolt of the Ch’iang tribe. The Ch’ing tribesman saw his large army, discarded their heavy baggage, and set out to ford the Yellow River. The road was through narrow defiles, and Ch’ung-Kuo drove them along in a leisurely manner.
Someone said: “We are in pursuit of great advantage but proceed slowly.”
Ch’ung-Kuo replied: “They are desperate. I cannot press them. If I do this easily they will go without even looking around. If I press them they will turn on us and fight to the death.”
All the generals said: “Wonderful!”
My two cents: Has the veil been removed to reveal that our “enemies” have left us no way of escape? Are we all now fighting to the death? Scary. Sad. Untriumphant.
July 26th, 2006
Reuters
Aljazeera
TV5
Hour by Hour by Nouvel OBS
Jerusalem Post
Haaretz
Any one wish to contribute other good sources (audio/video prefered as these media can be shared with mulitple listeners/viewers)?
July 26th, 2006
I am done. I am sad. I am overwhelmed. I am lost.
I am Lebanese. I am Canadian. I am human.
What has happened to us? What have our forefathers brought us to? This is not time for blame, but for precedent. All this fighting serves only to protect infrastructures, of power and control of this planet’s quickly dwindling resources, and not a peoples. Hezbolla are not the problem. The Gaza is not the problem. They are symptoms of a larger issue.
I am currently working at a bank doing analysis for a bunch of VPs. Over the last two + weeks, I have lost the ability and desire to support “infrastructure”. No longer are my forefathers the problem; the cause; I am. I am a part of this as much a part of it as an Israeli or Hezoblla.
The privileges that the “Western world” has enjoyed are coming to an end. Concepts of “retirement” or “security” or “economic controls” are no longer feasible. Consumption will change. Inflation and deflation will rule. Plastic realities, political, economic, or ethical (i.e. religious) will melt under the flame of hatred and oppression. This is not a planet that can survive these methodologies; the protection of infrastructure. We must relent our individualisms and assumptions of social and international equallity or balance – there is no equal balance – only natural balance, which is often not “equal” but “equitable”.
When I lived in BC, I saw forest fires. The firemen never assumed the ability to stop the fire, but approached the problem by defining what it was that they TRULY needed to protect. Fires are natural. Fighting them is natural. Fighting to protect ones self is natural. Fighting the entire fire is ignorance.
Why do Israel and its supporters believe that “terrorism” can be stopped? Why are they fighting fire with fire? It cannot succeed. It is a symptom of greater, misaligned issues. We cannot marginalize. We cannot assume righteousness. Even a terrorist is “right” within a given context. It is the context that needs to be addressed. Remove the notions that a group, militant or otherwise, can be solely responsible for the actions of a country. Did the US need to lose the towers to understand those implications? Maybe if they flatten the Gaza, maybe flatten Beirut… getting closer? Or maybe flatten Tel Aviv, maybe flatten New York… then what? Police state? Socialist rule? Genocide? What can come of all this? What are we leading ourselves into?
I am very sad that no one has stopped both Israel (mature, wealthy, and educated) and other militant factions (young, desperate, and uneducated). I can’t imagine burning a child to teach it of fire. Why do we burn these Middle Eastern children? Why do we assume a common context? Why do we ask for responsible actions from these learning and growing political infants, when all they see is irresponsibility from their fathers and mothers? Invasions. Force. Finality.
I will not be a part of this front. I will not support my government blindly. I will not remain speechless. I will not ignore my involvement or my responsibilities to what is right and truthful. Meditation showed me my own misaligned approach to securing happiness; balance. Within myself, I see now – how misguided we are, how our egos reign dominant, how we fight to protect what we know and not what we need to learn. I will not be misguided. I will not fight for status quo.
I believe, for the moment and from an uneducated position (i.e. who knows what the truth is anyway – marred and manipulated), that this invasion of Lebanon was a long time in the making and that the intention is to possibly use Lebanon as a global front line against Syria and Iran (i.e. why they could so quickly evacuate the entire country), or what’s left of a sovereign Mideast. Where is the logic in sacrificing millions of lives for the recovery of two mostly pictureless and faceless soldiers? But of course, this is not about kidnapped soldiers…
June 5th, 2006
In certain kinds of writing, particularly in art criticism and literary criticism, it is normal to come across long passages which are almost completely lacking in meaning. - [George Orwell]
May 26th, 2006
Nice - love the stuff: Gray’s Anatomy
May 25th, 2006
Not really sure why it took so long, but Kim (my “new” friend) went out of her way to introduce me to Dad’s Bagels, and… wow… wow, what great Indian food? Yup. Great. She did a takeout thing. A trip to Dads is now on the list, likely to be paired with a visit to NDG’s Cosmos, with some possible heavy lifting, fast running, and/or somber sleeping in between stops.
i’ll let you know… ;)
May 18th, 2006
it’s always good to be able to visualize something when trying set your focus, like this for example.
May 16th, 2006
CBC 1 and 3 for me!!!
iPod Remote Radio
May 16th, 2006
i’m gonna miss being normal…
TOKYO (Reuters) - Exhausted Japanese workers in need of a pick-me-up will soon be able to get a hit of canned oxygen at their local convenience store.
Seven-Eleven Japan will start marketing the new product, “O2 Supli“, at select stores in the Tokyo area later this month and expand sales nationwide in June.
May 3rd, 2006
It seems that my main methods of doing anything oscillate; approach oscillates; timing oscillates; priorities oscillate. I mean that… I tend to groove along lines of behavior and not necessarily hang out in any one for too long – consecutively. I haven’t blogged. I know why; the same reason as last time. It’s like I’ve reverted back to a temporary habit or behavior. “It’s not that I always do this, I just do this in the summer… sometimes…”
These days, I’m feeling a hair anti-social (bars seem noisy) and a hair exhausted (longing for a TV)…no reason… everybody rocks and I’m working just hard enough, but nothing to merit the slow fatigue… it’ll last a week more… groove… ;)
Found a meditation on Wednesdays at Concordia.
April 28th, 2006
…this blog as stopped the flow i grew to know…
and love.
the intent of this post was to say, I’ll be at Laika at 5pm today (less important) and… begone you nasty minute-minding pebble and let these sands of the unknOwn flow (more important)!
April 18th, 2006
Carving beauty into flesh,
with a throbbing chisel.
It longs for purpose
softly, warmly, outwardly coaxing in
its own trembling beauty; inherently; reflexively.
April 18th, 2006
Related to this, CAA put out a vehicle usage analysis called Driving Costs, 2005 Edition (pdf, 87kb). Looks like I wasn’t terribly far off.
April 12th, 2006
man, i could not love yoga more. it occasionally permits me to be in awe of my own body and mind; equanimity. it can be like watching a plane take off for the first time or a volcano rumble, etc… I am expecting to resume regular practice soon (with the apt geared towards that end). unmotivated? look at this…
I didn’t know the human body could do that…
April 11th, 2006
Some sorta experiment i’m trying:
objSpaceHolder
April 10th, 2006
It’s 6pm (fuck, 6:30! push back :30mins). I got 10 things to do. Let’s try for five:
6:00 – 7:00 yoga (done! 7:40!)
7:00 – 8:00 shower pack for tomorrow (hit canadian tire instead)
8:00 – 9:00 pack more, begin work (hit canadian tire instead)
9:00 – 10:00 work, update web (fuck, watch 24!)
10:00 – 11:00 read, update web, update ipod (shower now!)
April 10th, 2006
Ingredients in my new lip balm: Organic Olive Oil, Organic Shea Butter, Organic Bees Wax, Organic Coco Butter, Cinnamon.
Love it!
April 9th, 2006
Put $60 down on this to know it’ll “one day” be mine:
Takamine and for pics
Just…can’t…wait… ;)
Thinking black?
New pad looks STELLAR!!
April 6th, 2006
Every night I get home, assuming I get home, I sit at this PC trying to do all the things I need to do – but I bottleneck. It’s driving me nuts. Getting the Chi going takes too long and then it’s time for bed. I have WAY too much to read, listen to, and write. I was out with mike again the other night and I was able to use him to gauge my slowly lessening feeling of equanimity. The waitress, for whom I have an affinity, knows a little about my struggle – “five minutes a day” she said… beautiful. I needed that - and Mike suggested not beating myself up over it. I know I am. The analogy that came to mind is the feeling you get every time you leave a more beautiful self and selflessness behind – like a perfect beach with beautiful people where you’d share you shirt (if you had one). “And why did I back on the plane?” – impermanence? Perhaps. Perhaps it’s the inevitable return to an inherently noisier and less focused truth. I know I now have context of a deeper nature; I know the beach is there, and I know I could just go, and that’s…
…wonderful.
April 4th, 2006
My horoscope for the same week I a) get paid of the first time since October 2005 b) get a new apt…
It’s high time for you to spend more money, Pisces. You’re lagging way behind in your purchase of the goods and services you desperately need. Not only that: You’ve been lax in getting yourself the profound healing that can only come from shopping therapy. Get out there and splurge! Your role model is the Pentagon, which shells out an average of $8,612 per second. APRIL FOOL! I was just kidding. The truth is that it makes sense for you to spend more money on only one thing: experiences that will help you get better at performing a beloved skill that will fuel many future adventures.
April 4th, 2006
Holy moly. It’s pissing rain today.
I asked Ms. Pink if she could kindly drive the 2km today as sopping wetness was not on my list of things to bring to work today. “My pleasure” was not the answer.
The answer was an enraged “go fuck yourself” (paraphrasing) followed by a “why didn’t you ask me yesterday when I could’ve prepared!!!” – prepared? For the weather? What planet is this girl from? Besides even checking the weather doesn’t give the exact condition (i.e. drizzle vs. cats and dogs). Mr. Brown, overhearing said conversation, kindly says “I’ll drive you.” I decline his offer seeing as he has to drive in mostly the opposite direction. I reply, “I will walk the rain; with pleasure; with pleasure” Yes, said twice plus one more. He accepts. She get in the car and starts pulling out. Mr Brown flags he down. “Wait! You’ll take him as it only entails a 15 second stop on your way.” She grinds the transmission pulling back in… (not the first time I’ve heard this automatic grind gears under her guidance).
I got in the car, thanked her, and kindly ask her not to road rage our fragile asses all the way to our usual drop off point. She road raged without any hesitation; bang bang over the first speed bump.
I’ve raced my fair share of cars and have ridden a motorcycle through some the nastiest/wickedest/most amazing roads (same roads btw) in North America. I have a great deal of respect for the condition of the vehicle, of the roads, and of my mind when operating a motor vehicle of any kind, especially at speed. I got out of the car within 15 – 30 seconds – into the pissing rain, as I believed it would safer for both of us.
Mr. Brown saved my ass once again and got me to work on time. Merci.
April 3rd, 2006
happenstance: a circumstance especially that is due to chance
April 3rd, 2006
Just got an apt. back near the old hood. It ain’t the Ritz… not even a Motel 8… 7? Ok, maybe 6 by time I’m done with it, but the price ($400/month) and location (foot of the mountain plateau side) are more than perfect and I can leave anytime I want (possibly within 3 months depending on how it feels).
It’s a stepping stone kinda situation, and as I am mostly a minimalist these days, this should be better than fine. It will serve as a “get my stuff outta storage” deal with a little “stuff back for BC” sprinkled on top for flavor. Oh, not to forget the death of “can I borrow a clean shirt and grab a shower?” preceded by the 12am phone call asking “dude. sorry, but can i crash?” thusly avoiding the tumultuous bus ride and multi km march home (i.e. 4 of the 11 days that i’ve had this job). It’s also got a parking spot for my buds with metal chariots and eventually my metal horse whenever I ride/ship it home.
Now to decide who gets a set of keys?
April 3rd, 2006
transitive verb: To throw out of a window.
“Some of his apparent chums… would still happily defenestrate him if they caught him near a window.”
Damn that’s a funny word.
April 2nd, 2006
It’s the strangest little anomaly. The more we share, the more we receive. If someone out there doesn’t grasp these concepts of Karma or the overall “you get what you give/do onto others” concepts of design and determination in behavior - I’d be happy to a) share some of my experiences or b) Hm… there seems to be no b)… this is a good sign.
I know now that the “MY” in my life is no more than a secured fiction of my own perception and imagination. What I have to give can only be shared by example; by practice; by compromising. This will ultimately lead to the kind observation that is required to better discover the self, and thusly release it. So, with that said, leading by example should at its root tell me, that the I, like the US, is occasionally lost along the path at some given time; that we don’t always believe in what we’re doing; that it’s ok to be wrong.
This stuck in my head after Vipassana, that like yoga, my daily practices can and will vary, for the better and the worse. In yoga, forcing myself to touch my toes when my body cannot (and because of I did it yesterday and the day before), will take a part of what is the truth in yoga is away from me; equanimity. It’s better that I obverse the difference rather than try to be the me I might have been the days before (meditation made me call it “my nature” (self-implied status quo), but I know now that such a thing only exists because I want it to). Yesterday is not an actual reality, but in fact as unique and ever changing as the memory itself.
Anger, sadness, depression, desire, aversion, highs and lows, terrible and triumphant – all alike - are all part of that process… we are, like the oceans, the wind, and the fire, simply momentary anomalies of craving and aversion, of existence, should what we perceive be good or bad or whatever else. What might be possible, if I try that is, is a release of the self in the scope what is real in a possible truth that could be my live vs. a fictional manifestation of craving and aversion.
My friend is having a baby. I’ve know him for over 15 years. For one of the first times since I’ve known him (to love golf), he put his much loved stroke (symbolic of many self-motivated traits within all ourselves) lower on the list of his EXPECTATIONS and cravings. He told me that a year ago he “would’ve done yoga, hit the gym, seen a psych, whatever to shave 5+ strokes off (his) game.” Good. I mean what is golf game against a new born? In my mind, it’s less than the average in motivating self-improvement. And then, what about sharing those compromises in a conducive manner? It’s, again in my mind, certainly more than golfing a par course. He shared with me. I love you man ;) and watching you love something other than yourself (of course within this context) is more than inspiring. Cheers and know I’ll be here when you need or want me.
March 31st, 2006
This might be of interest. It’s a site that Joyce turned me on to:
Used Canada
March 30th, 2006
anfractuous \an-FRAK-chuh-wus\ adjective
: full of windings and intricate turnings : tortuous
March 30th, 2006
Did this fast (in Montreal):
Buspass @ $63 = 32 trips @ $1.92 ($1.92 being the discounted ticket price if you buy 6, else it be $2.50 per segment)
Average #WorkDays per month = 20
20 x $1.92 = $38.40 x 2 (i.e. the round trip) = $76.80 @ the discount
So that’s pretty easy. Now let’s drive:
Average cost per litre = $1
Average KM/L = 15KM (this is being generous)
This is just my day, not everyone’s, but…
Approx KMs one way to my job (average suburban living) 22KM
Approx KMs to say head downtown/friend/store after work 8KM
Approx KM for a roundtrip day 60KM
60KM / 15 (KM avg. per litre) = 4L
4L x 1$ = $4
$4 x 20 days = $80 (approx gas budget required to drive 1200KM/month)
$80 + $400/month vehicle cost (again, generous because I’m including insurance, maintenance, parking, tickets, etc…) = $480/month
$480 / 1200KM = $0.40 per KM
So one day at work with a roundtrip of 60KM:
60KM x 0.40 = $24 per day (and again, being generous)
How much was that bus pass again? And that, in my opinion, should not be the primary reason for considering public transit. I often hear people tell me “I don’t have time to sit on a bus” but…
“Buy this car to drive to work
Drive to work to pay for this car”
- [Yumily Haines from Metric]
Feel free to look at this from the EPA (1 US gallon = 3.7854118 litres) .
March 30th, 2006
One word; one piece; one more reason to get up & out: Chloé
…and in four words: Les Chocolats De Chloé
March 30th, 2006
This is the first in a series I want to call the “Shout out” and it’s just that… a chance for me* to give a shout out to prop and praise the passionate, particular, and remarkable… today’s special:
Mike rocks – he’s simply a great guy. Very considerate and aware of himself and those around him. He is also working hard to get something done within the “we the people” quotient à la Ile-Sans-Fil, not exactly a rarity in these times, but his perseverance and apparent selflessness** surely are. I guess we met as a result of some of these common traits (i.e. through the ISF connection).
* Me? What do I know? Really, it’s just my way of saying thanks to the many and to put some positive energy out there…
** haven’t know him that long, but sometimes you can just tell ;)
March 30th, 2006
God damn are there some beautiful women in the city (in fact not all French), and moreover, in this here building. Trouble lies in focusing on any given one, so I’ll focus on all of them, equally, and hope for something/someone that will elude my conscience mind; just take me; eliminate concepts of craving and aversion in whatever new relationship awaits me. In the mean time, I’ll allow my heart to aneur. And how does one go about meeting and greeting these wonderfully… pause…
I’ve been eating dates. They are desirably sweet, moist, delicious and good for you. Could that be where the idea of “going on a date” originates? ;)
…wonderfully and desirably sweet visions and a proof of a higher power: the socialette. I HATE SMOKING, but love smoke breaks. The social cigarette has forever been a pillar in all my extroverted mandates. It provides we smokers with the indispensable ability to leave our desks, GO OUTSIDE, leave work behind, and discuss whatever over the 3 – 5 minutes we have together under the banners of “Wow. Are we ever dumb fucks for smoking!” and “Damn it’s nice/cold/wet out!” and “So what’s up/new/your name?” You’d be amazed how flattering it can be when someone chains a second socialette just to make it a 6 – 10 minute rendezvous.
I must figure out a way to maintain the qualities of socialette-isms without the inescapable 25 year reunion in a cancer ward and painfully reduced quality of life; pink has always been my color of choice. ;)
Maybe I could just light them and let them burn? Wash my hand after and done?
March 28th, 2006
The bank tells me I may never own a house and I’m able to smile it off. My sister, on the other hand, got me mad, and for the first time since my meditation, because she wouldn’t (again) drive me the remaining 1.8km to work this morning. I am always willing to walk, it’s just… well, I just think she could’ve done it. Lol. It was like my yesterself knew just what I would need to read first thing this morning.
My anger or disappointment was, after half a kilometer, replaced with compassion. She is so angry at everybody, and seemingly at herself, but I don’t think she realizes it. She uses my mother’s car on a daily basis, thusly leaving my autumned mother home alone without her wheels. The two of them have been getting, um, warm and warmer about the issue. Yesterday, I tried to suggest the realistic concept of sharing a day here and a day there - it bought me an ear full and another day on some dusty streets; like it was all my fault. Oh, and forget any possibility that I might need a car on occasion (i.e. tonight would’ve been good as I am invited to dinner in the city – and once again a choice between a 10:30 public transit curfew vs. the absorption of a 2 hour bus ride and then a 2km walk uphill).
Somewhere between doing nothing and concern for the well being of others has to exist a tier of constructive and non-intrusive compassion. Reconfirmed is that patience for the challenges in the lives others is a choice merit in situations like these, in trying to help others; ourselves; impermanence.
So sis, I’m sorry you’re so upset with whatever it is that drives you to these mad road rage-ish behaviors that I keep seeing. Observation seem to yield that it’s killing you softly. I’m sorry I got upset with you this morning, for my own sake at least, and even though I didn’t really react. Let me know what I can do help, and let me start with more variable kilometer days on some dusty streets and umpteen hours on city buses. I will not only handle it, but find ways to enjoy it. You know where I am if and when you want to talk.
My dad asked that I keep the family outta the blog, so no more… enter Ms. Pink ;)
March 27th, 2006
One week at work and I feel one week behind… time management… need to read and write and then read again… I’m verging on feeling bad about letting myself down… but I haven’t. I’m doing what I must; mostly.
Went to see the banks today about the whole “behind” thing - got escorted out.
“You’ll have to find another financial institution sir” - nice.
Royal - out. TD - out. Who’s left and why do I care? Credit? Houses? Cars? RRSPs?
Convenience and comfort are mechanisms of ingenuity and acceptance and, when no one can drive, always be willing to walk ;)
March 27th, 2006
…which will allow me to post from work :)
March 24th, 2006
I am so happy that this day is almost behind me. It is official; I am getting older - slowly.
Got an email today from the top brass stating that they are going to further restrict web access. As it stands, I can barely count on getting through to Google. Hm. Roger’s managed over-changing me again – that’s right, again – so that makes them 0 for 4 in the accurate invoice department. Jebus. Didn’t get all heated this time around. Just asked for it to be fixed and they fixed it. I was considering picking up one of these GSM wificards to work around this Chinafication of my corporate internet, but I’m positive less is more with cell companies. Too bad… anyone have any ideas regarding being your own cellphone VoIP service provider?
March 24th, 2006
Used this to determine how far I’d have to walk home at say 3am. After a 30 minute ride on a night bus (that’s not including the expected cross city core westbound jaunt, so add about a hour or a $10 – 15 cab ride), I get to walk a refreshing 1.7km uphill and burn me a whopping 180 calories.
http://www.gmap-pedometer.com/
March 24th, 2006
I was early for work today, but only as result of not getting home last night. Headed to Laika to work on an Ile-sans-fil application portal demo. Mike met me there to go over some of the details and we ended up getting hosed; licked; mashed. I crashed at his place and then came into work. I think I might keep a complete change of clothing here so that I might avoid wearing certain clothes two days in a row (obviously happy I wore layers yesterday). I look fresh but feel like curling up in a ball under my desk. I wonder when these types of mornings will become a memory.
On a brighter note, work has started to groove… getting used to smells, sounds, French, interactions, pace, and brightness (not so much on that one today). Heading home after this to watch a movie in bed. I think I’ll have to add pain killers to that list of office survival wear… ouch…
March 21st, 2006
New job… hm… so far, so French, so freckled in the fringe of my mind, so fascist, so fuckin’… fuckin’ good to get working - optimistic - my blog only loads to about 50% of what should be there; half full; find equanimity.
I’m at work now, making this posting because they ain`t gots nothing for me to do yet. “Accès Interdit” at every other click; dirty desk (like Mr Clean dirty, not Einstein dirty); sticky keyboard; water rusty; chair stained in just the right places; lights fluorescent; clocks that tick backwards; grey cubical walls; bad coffee in Styrofoam cups; coffeemate and stir sticks; overhearing consumerist manifestos; recycle nothing but the air, which between 10:30am and 2:00pm smells like tomato by-product on a bed of starch; MSN gone; RSS gone; POP/SMPT/WebMail gone; Firefox gone; BlogThis gone; This gone… find equanimity; understand impermanence, and… YOU CAN`T TOUCH MY IPOD YOU PROXY BITCH!!! (that was meant to be funny, not angry… yet)
Ok. Whatever. Gotta get outta my house and I need my bike back (lotsa Montreal/Sutton rounds trips expected this summer) - this should get those goals accomplished and I will accept it on such premise; observe it; not react. My family is so happy about this job while the people who love me cry for me. Don’t cry… I’ll figure it out.
One word…
…Vipassana.
I have returned a different man; diminished ego and a faction of the man I used to be, but a fraction of a whole. I’ve been such a fool for so long; forever. I love you all and I’m sorry I didn’t do this sooner - we would’ve all had it a little better…
This is so hard. I am hurting in the most beautiful ways, but it really does hurt. Reality has fully morphed on me. Details to come I guess, but I’m not sure when…
Let’s see if I can copy/paste this from Mot de Microsoft to the blog…
…nope; Blogger gone. Maybe I’ll cry just one quiet tear… equanimously… diligently… aware… half full; half full; half full… breathe… live… love.
It doesn’t matter how hard or long or well you iron your shirt, wrinkles will arise once you start to wear it. Keeping the wrinkles out requires a continuity of practice, and it’s quite a challenge to iron a shirt all day; everyday - especially if you’re still wearing it.
March 8th, 2006
got a job: CCQ
gone meditating: see this
the irish suck: back on the 19th - it’s a celebration - takers? (i think?)
March 6th, 2006
D’oh!
By VINCE SOODIN and VERONICA LORRAINE (The Sun) - MAKERS of the hit cartoon The Simpsons have filmed the show’s opening titles using real actors.
In the hit viral going around the world we get to see what Bart, Homer, Marg, Lisa and Maggie would look like if they were humans.
And you can be among the first to watch the hilarious titles, filmed over 18 months in Britain, by clicking one of the link below.
The clip re-enacts the title sequence to a tee beginning with the camera zooming into a schoolroom to see a blonde Bart scribbling lines on the blackboard.
Simpson’s maker Matt Groening has approved the human version of the show’s opening credits to promote the brand new series.
Sky One will broadcast the promo as its viewers gear up for the The Simpson’s 17th season which begins on March 20.
An insider said: “We’re really excited about it.
“We used regular actors, not so much for their resemblance - as you can’t copy a bunch of yellow characters - but becuase you can easily identify with them.”
A balding actor plays Homer as he leaves work dropping some nuclear waste out of the window on the way home.
While a baby girl copies the scene where Maggie appears to be driving Marg’s car.
The opening montage ends with the whole family squeezed on the settee ready to watch the cartoon version of the show.
The Simpsons come to life
March 6th, 2006
Not sure what you might understand by reading this, but these transmissions are truely “outside the box”. Got a chance to see one of the Multitronic systems at the UN climate change conference that was hosted in Montreal in Dec 2005… and yes, very cool.
Audi World Site > New Cars > Driveline & Suspension
March 3rd, 2006
Hello hello; what’s all this then? More money I “could” spend… to the tune of $8,500 USD. I think I can drive an F1 in Belgium for $12,000 USD… not sure what might be more productive - I KNOW I’ll never get the chance to hop in an F1 car in “daily life”, and know that people do own Ferrari’s, so a) live the dream b) acquire a “reusable” skill set…
Ferrari North America - Ferrari Driving Experience
Neither fer now (lol!), and I’d have trouble spending that kind of money on myself without some way to reapply that skill-set… maybe those bank robbers in the UK with the 100M are looking for another driver ;)
March 2nd, 2006
Sad… I like stars… and traveling:
BBC NEWS | Science/Nature | Telescopes ‘worthless’ by 2050
“Ground-based astronomy could be impossible in 40 years because of pollution from aircraft exhaust trails and climate change, an expert says.”
March 2nd, 2006
Main Entry: vac·u·ous
Pronunciation: ‘va-ky&-w&s
Function: adjective
Etymology: Latin vacuus
1 : emptied of or lacking content
2 : marked by lack of ideas or intelligence : STUPID, INANE
“a vacuous mind” “a vacuous expression”
3 : devoid of serious occupation : IDLE
synonym see EMPTY
- vac·u·ous·ly adverb
- vac·u·ous·ness noun
March 1st, 2006
Done. Apache, mySQL, PHP, WordPress…
I wasn’t hard; it wasn’t easy (context and approach needed a little time).
So far, so good…
March 1st, 2006
Traslation makes your mind work in a completely different fashion; like riding a completely different bike - still a bike, but different… different pedals, crank shaft, brakes, seat, wheels, gears, etc… it changes your canadence, endurance, and strength range… adjustment required.
February 27th, 2006
…our self-being, will kill us all. I can’t imagine starting any war without the word “i”.
recent views:
BLOOD in BLOOD out
Hotel Rawanda
February 27th, 2006
BBC NEWS | UK | England | Kent | Record £53m stolen in depot raid: “Raiders involved in Britain’s biggest cash robbery got away with £53,116,760 in cash from the Securitas depot in Tonbridge, Kent Police have revealed.”
February 24th, 2006
Right…
Letterman made fun of some band the same way; he was actually reading their CD cover (something like singing “from apples to tangerines, i love fruits, they keep lean”. He was less than impressed.) This is funny.
February 24th, 2006
I return from my meditation on the 19th of March, aka, St. Irish Day “Par”-ain’t-in-my-dictionar-ade… nice little test? From heaven to hell in a day? Something to look forward to? Something to forgo?
Something fer sure…
February 23rd, 2006
12am last night; i think i’m ready; do it.
bye bye microsoft. well, still got me a complete install of Visual Studio 2005 with SQL and the likes, but open office, mozilla… ya know - actually, the list:
windows xp, open office
firefox (with various ext), thunderbird (with various ext incl. iCal calendar)
vs.net 2005, sql 2005, php 5.1.2, apache 2.0.55, mySQL 5.0..18
itunes, winamp, media monkey, euPod
google pack
network stumbler, virtual pc
AC3 Fliter, Ad-Ware, Alt-Tab Swticher ,Beyond Compare, Bit Torrent
CuteFTP, DivX, HP Scanner, iScrobbler, MS AntiSpyware, Plaxo, WinZip,
WinRAR, Tweak UI
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